We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
