Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
