I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
