I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
