it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
sex in a hospital.. check
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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