i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
