i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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