Old men and throwing up are my life now.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize