Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
