FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
why is half of my head shaved?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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