we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
All the doctor said was why
You are a genius and a whore.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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