and you said cock pushups were impossible
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
