toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
