I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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