4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
