You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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