Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
