Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
