i just had sex bonerless
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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