I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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