i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
