is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
