she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Blood and glitter go together right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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