Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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