i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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