we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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