you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
