just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize