you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
