I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
