The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
