Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My penis needs a shock collar
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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