I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
