I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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