I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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