My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
