I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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