At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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