My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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