i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
