why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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