I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
