never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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