You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
