Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
40s are totally the cure
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
