between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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