he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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