I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
