Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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