Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
