saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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