How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
