my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
