i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
