just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
