I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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