Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
