Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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