You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
