if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize