my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
