we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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