I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
