Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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