No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
