Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
