Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
