He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
