Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My ass is underappreciated
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
