I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
