Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
